


My Queen's Knight

by 00psSwanQueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Feelings, Happy Endings Are Kinda Dumb, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Pregnant, Pregnant Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Regina Mills - Freeform, Self-Hatred, Some angst, There Will Never Be Enough SwanQueen, Viva La SwanQueen, emma swan - Freeform, past trauma, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00psSwanQueen/pseuds/00psSwanQueen
Summary: “She’s my Queen; Regal and elegant as ever. When she speaks, everyone listens. When she stands, everyone bows. When she breaks, no one sees. When she cries, I catch her tears. For I am her Knight; sworn protector of Her Majesty. I will protect her from any threat, no matter the cost. Even if, I must protect her from herself.”ORMy way of venting my feeling through Regina and Emma while I brainstorm ideas for my ongoing chapter fic.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	My Queen's Knight

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not abandoning my other fic “Silence” for this one. This is just a one-shot and will stay a one-shot. I’ve been going through a rough time lately and I felt the need to vent. So, I’m doing so here through my favorite women. I hope you like it and as always, comments and kudos are very welcomed.   
> Much Love,  
> 00psSwanQueen

The nightmares were nothing new to her. They came and went as easy as the day turns to night. She could handle them without help. The constant push and pull of her dark side and light side within herself was the normal. She constantly fought against her violent past to make better choices. It was easy when she had something, or rather someone, to fight for. It was an easy battle she had fought for years now. This was nothing knew to the regal Queen. But what was new, was the voice inside her head telling her she wasn’t worthy of the woman that would sleep next to her. That was new.

Yes, she had faced many things in her life. She had literally gone to hell and back, lost her heart and battled herself. She had lost love, more than once. She felt the pain every day of her life. But it became more of a lesson learned than the sharp pain it once was. She knew she could no longer hold back that love. Each of them had been in her life to teach her a lesson. One taught her gentleness and loss. The other had taught her honor and how to let go. But this one, taught her the true meaning of love. And that scared her more than the monsters she had faced in the past. She knew that she loved this one more than any of the others. This woman, this blonde whirlwind of sass and strength had loved every single part of her. She knew the darkness she held within herself. Had seen her murder countless people and still thought of her as beautiful and worthy of love and affection. That was new to the brunette.

Even though she fought like hell to rid herself of this woman, she was resilient. She pushed back just as hard as she had been pushed. This mess of a human loved this broken person she was. And not only did she love her fully and fiercely, she gave her a son she loved with all her heart. She gave her a life worth living. She was her _“Happy Ending”_.

_“Happy Ending”_

She scoffed to herself. This really felt like the beginning rather than the end. She hated the idea of endings. They always meant pain. The end of her innocence, the end of her happiness, the end of her life. She looked into the cold mirror, begging it for answers. But only her lone reflection greeted her. Though she reined with a smile and brought the lands together in harmony and peace, she felt this inner turmoil boiling beneath her skin. Her mind raced as she questioned her sanity. She should be _happy_. She shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts. But the relationship with a certain blonde had opened a pandora’s box within her.

This woman was everything she could hope for in a lover. She was kind, affectionate, caring and understanding. She looked at her like she was the whole world. She never threw her horrid past in her face; never reminded her of her faults. She not only accepted her for all she was, but all she is and will be. She treated her like she was the only person in the world that mattered.

The brunette slammed her fist down on her vanity, cursing herself for these thoughts. _She should be happy._ She met her own dark brown eyes in the mirror before she drew her fist back and smashed the thing to pieces. She hated herself. She didn’t deserve this. _This happiness was not hers to have._

Emma startled from her place in the kitchen when she heard a smash then a string of curse words. She quickly shut the stove off and removed the pan from the hot burner before rushing up the stairs to her shared bedroom with Regina. Her heart stopped for a moment as she took in the scene before her.

Regina was sitting at her vanity with the mirror shattered and her hand bleeding. She sat looking at her damaged hand and back at the shattered mirror. She didn’t register the pain or the glass that stuck itself into her hand.

Emma had noticed the Queen had been different. She seemed closed off and distant. She had tried to talk to Regina about the matter, but it was brushed off with an _“I’m fine. It’s just the hormones.”_ But Emma knew it was more than that. She approached her pregnant wife carefully and knelt down before her.

Regina didn’t meet Emma’s eyes as the blonde took her damaged hand to inspect it. She just continued to look at the broken mirror, willing it to give her the answers to all the questions she had swarming through her mind.

Emma didn’t speak as she waved her hand over the woman’s damaged one and began to heal it slowly. She felt the strong pull of her magic mix with Regina’s own before the hand returned to its normal state. She noticed Regina’s self destructive behavior had been getting worse and feared for her wife’s health. She gently caressed the hand she had healed, kissing each knuckle slowly.

Regina finally tore her eyes away from the mirror and met concerned green ones. She felt the knot in her stomach twist and a lump in her throat from. She placed her hand on her rounded stomach as a sob broke through her chest. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. She broke down, sobbing as she questioned herself more.

Emma caught the tumbling Queen in her arms and held her gently. She placed her hand on top of Regina’s on her swollen belly, caressing it tenderly. She could feel the woman’s pain washing over her in waves; crashing down on her like the tide. She whispered comforts to her Queen as she slowly began to pick the pieces of her wife off the ground, trying to understand how to fit her back together.

“Regina, please.” Emma begged with tears in her eyes. “Talk to me.” She whispered.

Regina just sobbed harder. She didn’t deserve all this. When Robin was ripped from her, she felt a strange sense of justice had been served to her. She deserved to be alone. That was her ending. Not the blonde breaking off the engagement to Hook only to rush to Regina and confess her feelings for her. She didn’t deserve to know that the blonde had only settled for the sorry excuse for a pirate because she thought she couldn’t give Regina her happy ending.

And there was that stupid phrase again. _“Happy Ending”_ An end. She battled with her feelings for months before she gave Emma the time of day; before she jumped headfirst into this ocean of love Emma had for her. She had taken even longer to allow the woman completely into her life. But once she did, she felt this calm sense of belonging. She didn’t understand how she had gone her whole life without knowing how Emma’s lips fit perfectly with her own. How their hands always seemed to find each other when they were next to each other. Or even, how they always managed to overcome anything the universe threw at them. Not only had Emma healed her broken heart but healed her broken body. Just a few months after their wedding and sharing true love’s kiss for the first time, Regina found out she was pregnant. She was pregnant with her and Emma’s baby. A product of their own true love. She couldn’t believe it. She refused to believe it until she heard her daughter’s heartbeat. Even then, she couldn’t believe the fact that she was no longer barren. She thought it was all some sick game the universe was playing with her. That was until she felt their baby girl kick her hand. That’s when the thoughts and questions got worse. She waited for the day that she woke up, alone in her mansion and Emma not with her. She dared have hope that this whole ordeal was real. That’s when the voices started whispering. She remembered the first time she had ignored her body and refused to eat. It had landed her in the hospital. She remembered the nights she spent crying alone in the bathroom after telling Emma to get lost. She remembered the night she kicked Emma out of the house and slept alone.

She was brought to the present where her very worried wife was holding her shaking form and whispering sweet words in her ear by the soft kicking of her unborn child. She pulled away from Emma embrace and took her face in her hands.

“Wake me up before I get too attached.” Regina begged the blonde. “This isn’t real. _It can’t be_. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you or her.” She sobbed as she placed one of her hands on her pregnant belly.

Emma shook her head in disbelief. Regina had to be pulling her leg. She had to be completely out of her mind to be thinking these terrible thoughts again.

“Babe, don’t say that. This is real. I’m real. She,” Emma placed her hand over Regina’s on her belly, “is real. She’s alive within you. Growing every day. Just like my love for you. _It’s all real_.” Emma pleaded with her wife as she rubbed small circles with her thumb on top of Regina’s hand. “Talk to me, baby. Where is this all coming from?”

Regina wiped her tears in frustration. She stood carefully and walked over to their shared bed, sitting on the edge. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this happiness. I ruined my life with anger and vengeance. I ruined your parents’ lives, I ruined yours!” She shouted. “What sick kind of game is the universe playing with me? How do I deserve to carry your child when I’ve slaughtered hundreds? How do I deserve happiness when I’ve taken everyone else’s happiness and crushed it? How do I deserve to live when I’ve killed thousands of people?!” Regina broke down into sobs again. Her mind raced a million miles in hour as she fisted her dark locks of hair. “I DON’T DESERVE THIS!” She cried with enough forced to shake the foundation of the house. Her magic was brought forth to her fingertips as she created fire and threw it at the blonde.

Emma caught the fire in her hands and extinguished it. She strode over to her distraught lover and grabbed her wrists, calming her magic easily. “Regina, enough.” Emma deadpanned. She caught the brunette’s chin in her hand and forced her to look up at her. Emma took a deep breath and crashed her lips into Regina’s own.

Regina felt the voices in her head suddenly silence. She was hit with the force of Emma’s magic and love and instantly calmed. She fisted the front of the blonde’s shirt, begging her not to let go.

Emma ended this kiss with a breathless sigh. She knelt between Regina’s legs, looking up into her glossy brown eyes. “I need you to listen to me very carefully.” Emma held the Queen’s gaze. “You deserve love. You may have done horrible things in the past, but that’s just it. _It’s the past._ You are both not the same and the same person as before. She still lives within you, but you’ve changed. I understand that you feel this guilt. I understand that you carry this burden with you. But you don’t have to carry that alone. That is why I’m here. When those voices whisper to you in the dead of night, or in the middle of the day, listen closely to them. Acknowledge that they exist. Feel that pain for the moment. But then, let it go. Because if you let them overstay their welcome, they will drown you.”

Regina took a shaky breath in before she downcast her eyes.

“No, I’m not done yet.” Emma called the Queen back to attention. “I won’t let them drown you. I will always be here to remind you of what a wonderful person you are.” She brought her hand up to silence the rebuttal Regina was going to spit out. “You raised our son into the wonderful young man he is. You watched over him when I couldn’t. You saw the good in me when I was lost to myself. You shared your heart with the darkest parts of yourself. You forgave her. You forgave me.” Emma placed Regina’s hand over her heart. “You saved me from my demons.” She placed their hands back on Regina’s belly. “You gave her life.” She cupped Regina’s cheek with her free hand bringing their lips together in a sweet kiss. “I love you, Regina.”

Regina was speechless. The months she spent drowning in her self destruction suddenly felt foolish. She felt embarrassed and almost childish. She knew Emma had a point. She had let these emotions overstay their welcome. She let herself get overwhelmed with things she could not change. She drug herself through weeks of self-hatred. And it was all for nothing. _“NO”_ she thought to herself. It was another lesson learned. Today, after almost four years of being with the blonde haired tornado of a woman, she learned to fully trust and rely on Emma. She learned that she did deserve Emma. Though she had acknowledged these thoughts, it would take some practice and time for her to get used to it all.

“I’m sorry.” Regina finally whispered.

Emma pressed a kiss to Regina’s forehead before standing. She helped her wife stand slowly before she embraced her. “I’m not upset with you.” She soothed Regina’s fears. “I understand that this is just the beginning of a knew path. And yes, there will be bumps in the road. But when has that ever stopped us?” Emma smiled as she connected their foreheads.

Regina smiled genuinely for the first time since she found out she was pregnant. “Never.” She whispered.

“Exactly. We got this, babe.” Emma smiled and pecked her wife’s lips.

“Thank you, Emma. For saving me from complete self-destruction.”

“A Knight will always protect her Queen. Even if she has to protect the Queen from _herself_.”

Regina took Emma’s hand and placed it where she felt their daughter kicking. “My Knight.” She whispered.

“My Queen.” Emma smiled then knelt before Regina once more. She pressed a kiss to Regina’s belly, resting her forehead against it. “And my Little Princess.”

Regina ran her fingers though Emma’s hair lovingly. “I love you.”

Emma stood once again. “I love you too.”


End file.
